Automatic Collard Washer

Now of course, there has never been a time when I have washed collards that this memory has not come to mind. I truly dislike washing collards, and you know what? I think my Daddy is one of the cleverest people I have ever known. An automatic collard washer would not really be such a bad thing. Can't you just see it on QVC? Automatic collard washer...guaranteed deliver before the holidays. Three small installments of $19.99. If you order within the next 10 minutes, we will send your choice of a pound of fatback or ten pounds of collards.

Holiday time meant that Daddy would be helping in the kitchen. There were two reason for this. First, he loved to cook. Secondly, Mama really did not. This particular year Daddy prepared the collards. Our family, like most of our Promise Land neighbors loved collards, but cleaning and cooking them was then, and still remains to be, a shear act of love for the family.

Mealtime came and we all ate a belly full, including Mama. The collards were so good! Everyone agreed they were the best collards we had ever had.

The next day Mama began her routine housework, including washing clothes. She became very suspicious when she discovered small pieces of collard looking material in the washer. She confronted Daddy and he admitted that he had washed the collards in the washing machine. He said, "I don't see anything wrong with that, after all, everyone enjoyed eating them". Mama's voice grew a little high as she belted out, "But I did the laundry for an old lady down the street who has been sick with intestinal flu and all that goes with it!" Dady knew he was in a scrape. I could see the wheels in motion in his head. Then, with a sheepish grin he said, "Well, I put some Tide and Clorox in with them."

Oh my goodness -- the things we have survived!

Bobby Dawn and Julie watching Daddy shuck Oysters